I’ve always thought that I’m just not the falling-in-love type of person. In situations when someone of my age would just go crazy and go write silly poems I tend to sink into analysis. What’s that about? What’s that I’m feeling (am I actually feeling?) What’s happening? What’s next? Etc. till I get a terrible headache and everything just goes wrong.
What stroke my mind today is the realization that maybe it’s not my *feature*, but just me prohibiting myself from falling in love carelessly?
Today I performed really badly at the boogie class, and as the tutor says my main problem is failing to relax and stop controlling what’s happening (as you know, in partner dances the guy leads, the girl follows). I was thinking about the problem and it led me to a thought that maybe it’s not just dancing, but a major issue of mine?
I tried to analyse the subtext of my thoughts when *over-thinking feelings* (you can tell I’m REALLY into dumb analysis) and I realized that deep inside I’m afraid of acting silly. I need to have a really good reason to say that I’m feeling something towards a person. Like, spending a couple of months in a relationship and getting to know him really well. Falling in love with someone you barely know and only have seen for a couple of times is silly, right?
The fact is it’s not, and I don’t know if (and how) this discovery will help me, but it certainly seems very important for me now. I really need to stop holding back and let myself go more often. And — maybe — this will lead me not only to becoming a better boogie woogie dancer :)